Only a matter of time

Cheney shot a man in Texas, just to watch him die. But his medical team stepped in in time to save the poor bastard. Seriously, who goes hunting with a full medical team? Apparently Cheney is so bad with gun safety, that was considered a necessary precaution. That or his health is so bad they had to hit him with adreneline shots every few yards to keep his heart from shutting down.

Update: Al Frankin made the same joke!

Why I love Heather Havrilesky

Sometimes it's important to stop and smell the roses. Similarly, sometimes it's important to stop and consider the fact that the world is filled with total idiots who only care about the bottom line.

Or, should I say, most people on this planet are disappointingly stupid, and most people on this planet are disturbingly focused on making a profit at the expense of creating things that are genuine, heartfelt, clever, moving or even mildly redeeming. Some people are smart, sure, and some people are willing to set wealth aside for the sake of quality, but smart people who care about quality are rare. You know a few of them, I'm sure -- there are billions of us here, after all. But the vast majority of us are money-grubbing, soul-sucking, pandering whore-dogs with no more dignity or soul than a particularly virulent strain of foot fungus.

And just as a fungus needs warmth, moisture and a shady place to grow, the profit-minded halfwits grow in the shady stank of American culture, a dank and fetid place where empty-headed sea donkeys and white-toothed, grinning yes men thrive and are paraded through town, while thoughtful artists and pensive smarties are left to sulk on the sidelines.

It's not snobby to say so! Why, even Jesus knew the world was filled with self-interested dummies! Remember when he cast all the money lenders and peddlers out of the temple? Think of how, in that temple scene in every movie starring Jesus, the money lenders and peddlers are always rat-faced and mean and a little slow on the uptake. Their chickens are flying all over the place, their gold coins are scattering across the ground, and their frantic faces are filled with the uncomprehending anger of big, dumb animals. Why do you think we see that scene over and over again? It's probably one of the only things you remember from the Bible that night you were trapped in a crappy motel room in New Mexico and had nothing else to read. Jesus wants you to know that the world is filled with greedy, confused dumb asses, and that navigating through this crazy, mixed-up world is not easy.

"I came to save them, and they nailed me to a board because some jerk's poll numbers were low. I can't wait to see what they'll do to you! Muhahahaha!"

After dark
It's funny how the editors of the Bible cut out the places where Jesus' evil laughter rang out across the land. "The meek shall inherit the earth -- if it's not ruined by a nuclear holocaust first! Muhahahaha!"

You can read the rest of what she has to say about the tv shows on Salon.com if you don't mind the ad at the beginning.